she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Randomize
