I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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