you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
The best revenge is premature balding
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
In other news, I just burned my penis
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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