she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
