I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I didn't notice because vodka
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
