Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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