This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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