I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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