I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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