ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
