If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
