Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
