Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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