If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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