My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
