So drunk its hurt
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
