What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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