Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
