In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
