How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
