I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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