your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
