All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
