Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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