I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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