Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
