the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
