You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Randomize
