How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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