I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
