Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
