I cut my penus on the lid.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
