Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
