Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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