I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
