Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Who died my cat blue again?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
