Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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