I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
