Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
