Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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