if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
