I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
