All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
