I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
