make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
