My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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