on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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