dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
