why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
