Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
